i found a small lemon tree

by Emilie Sandy

'The public display of grief allows each individual to access their own losses.' —— Darian Leader

I lost my dad to a brain tumour. 

Four months later I found my mum dead on her living room floor.

This book is an accumulation of images and diary extracts I recorded over the period of my dad’s terminal illness and inevitable death. It was never the intention to use these images to create a book, but 10 years on I have felt the need to reflect on this time and show the raw reality of precious time spent with my deteriorating, but strong-minded dad; and my mum – who struggled to cope with his illness. 

It was a difficult and emotionally complicated phase in my life - my role as a daughter took on another level; meeting my dad’s needs whilst continuing to attend to my mums fragility. Creating this book has enabled me to explore the world of loss and grief in a creative way. 

At the time, I did not plan a specific outcome, or use, for the images. They were predominately captured on my iPhone; the ease of accessibility enabled a quick and discreet approach in documenting our stories.

Photography has been my therapy, the camera giving me the opportunity to detach from the reality I was facing. As well as a daughter and carer - I became the recorder. 

Today; these sensitive - and poignant - images have allowed me to reflect, reminding me the importance of present human connections.

Warning: There may be some upsetting content with regard to death within the narrative.